PCOO reveals recruitment is based on Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual

Thu, 02/08/2018 - 21:54

by Alan Robles
 

The government information office yesterday said it has been taking the fight against fake news "to a new level" by recruiting creatures from Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual.

"We discovered early on that fake news is created by creatures called 'trolls', so what better way to counter such monsters than by employing our own fiends"? said Ass Sec Grishnakh of the Presidential Communications and Operations Office (PCOO).

Have you seen our volcano?

Fri, 02/02/2018 - 21:57

by Alan Robles

Volcanologists said yesterday they were at a loss to explain how the majestic and iconic Mayon Volcano suddenly relocated to another province.

The startling move was reported by the ever reliable, totally trustworthy and always truthful Assistant Secretary of Communications Mocha Uson, who this week said Mayon Volcano was erupting near Naga City in Camarines Sur province. This is about 80 kilometers northwest of Legazpi City in Albay province, where the distinctive volcano, renowned for its near-perfect symmetrical cone, has been otherwise sited for the last 20 million years or so."

4 vaccines for all occasions

Tue, 01/30/2018 - 17:16

by Alan Robles

Does the new year find you depressed? Feeling unhealthy? Perhaps what you need is a vaccine shot. Good news! Our pharmaceutical firm Digong MyLabs has exactly what you need! We’ve just introduced several vaccines suitable for every condition, budget and social occasion.

What’s that? You’re screaming that you’re worried? Because of the controversy over dengvaxia? Have no fears. All our vaccines are fully tested by our special qualified researcher, Rainier Astupidillo. We found him outside on a highway overpass throwing stones at passing cars. But he was willing to be tested in exchange for a few “likes” on his Facebook page.

The Death Days of Christmas

Sun, 12/24/2017 - 09:51

by Alan Robles

On the first day of Christmas my true labs gave to me: a psycho in the palace

On the second day of Christmas my true labs gave to me: two fentanyl and a psycho in the palace

On the third day of Christmas my true labs gave to me: three tandems, two fentanyl and a psycho in the palace

On the fourth day of CHristmas my true labs gave to me: four nanlaban, three tandems, two fentanyl and a psycho in the palace

What's happening in Congress?

Sun, 12/10/2017 - 08:52

by Alan Robles

Having ingested too many televised committee hearings the past few days, I had a disturbed sleep where I dreamt I interviewed a congressman.

Me: Congressman, I can't tell you how excited I am to get an exclusive interview with you. Everyone knows how our congressmen are all so occupied flying abroad investigating things in Europe with their families, or are too busy speeding through Manila's red lights with their sirens blaring, it's wonderful you can find the time to talk to us.

Congressman: That's why you can only interview me in your dream

Our first online survey

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 13:07

by Alan Robles

We couldn't believe how some networks and newspapers would just blindly publish the results of an online survey. Didn't they ask for the methodology? Question the validity? Interview other statisticians? Apparently they did none of these things.

So we did the most logical thing: set up our own online polling company.

It's called "Decepticus Fantasia" and we like to describe it as "established." As in, "established 30 minutes ago." Like it? The company's motto is "our surveys aren't just credible, they're INcredible."

Journalists vs fake news bloggers

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 12:50

by Alan Robles

Since the Senate hearing on fake news, blogging and journalism, we've received tens of thousands of requests for our expert media opinion about what happened.

All right, actually, we haven't gotten any requests at all, we just made that up.

But that's OK, we're merely exercising free speech. It's one of the things we learned from the hearing - which, by the way, we totally didn't watch. But again, that's OK, because we are entitled to our personal opinion.

Anyway, we will now answer your questions on the matter. You don't have any questions? No problem, we made them up. You're welcome.

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