Q & A: Metro Manila's traffic

Sun, 09/14/2014 - 21:32
 
 
As part of our continuing commitment to public service, we offer this new series on understanding Metro Manila's traffic problem. We begin with this general Q&A on the topic.
 
Q: How bad is Manila's traffic?
A: Our researchers estimate that if, at 7:30 a.m., they were to board a bus going from Quezon City to Makati...
 
Q: Yes?
A: Sorry, our researchers are unable to complete the sentence, they're still stuck in traffic. Check back with us in two days.
 
Q: Why is Manila's traffic so bad?
A: The explanation involves a complex interplay of factors such as vehicles, commuters, pedestrians, drivers and enforcers.

How to tell if your building is world class

Mon, 09/01/2014 - 18:36
 
 
 
Congratulations! Your mayor has just finished constructing a brand new parking building. You say it seems really really expensive? Well, we don't consider it "expensive," we consider it "world class." Let's go on an inspection tour and answer your questions about this unique new parking facility.
 
What's so unique about this parking building that cost billions to build?
First of all, did you notice how, when we drove in, the gates opened and closed? They're automatic gates.
 
But they were opened by security guards.
True, but they opened the gates automatically. And they saluted too. Now that's world class. Why, in some villages, the security guards won't automatically open the gates.

Getting to know the MRT (Might Run Today)

Fri, 08/29/2014 - 20:48

from Wikimedia Commonsby Alan Robles

For the next part of our series on traffic, we'll now talk about how to beat Manila's notorious jams by using the train system. We'll focus on the MRT, which as everyone knows, stands for "Might Run Today."
 
Just kidding; of COURSE the MRT will run today. In fact, it runs everyday. True, it might sometimes run only halfway to where you want to go, which you'll discover when the train suddenly stops in the middle of a stretch of tracks between stations. But never fear, the train makes up for these moments by also occasionally running PAST your destination, plowing through barriers with enthusiasm.
 

Government mulls assigning teachers to Internet commenters

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 08:34
 
armed prototy[e

by Alan Robles

Government announced yesterday it is considering assigning public school teachers to every Internet commenter in the Philippines.

It said it is alarmed by a trend where, apparently, Filipinos don't bother to read online articles before reacting.
 
As a result, they post misinformed statements, making them, in the words of one official, "look really stupid."
 

Understanding the SONA

Fri, 08/08/2014 - 12:13
 
 
The State of the Nation Address, SONA,  is a very important occasion. It's that time of the year when the President goes over to Congress and, in a moving ceremony, pounds a large native drum and officially proclaims the start of the pork hunting season.
 
Just kidding. Actually, SONA is a political event that directly affects the lives of overwhelming numbers of politicians, reporters, columnists, furrowed-brow TV commentators, spin doctors and coup plotters. A couple thousand people, tops.
 

Questions and Answers about the DAP controversy

Thu, 08/07/2014 - 18:34
 
 
Seeking enlightenment on the contentious DAP issue, we enticed renowned and enigmatic media critic Justin Spinboogers, Esq, from his brooding seclusion  to give us, with his trademark incisive and trenchant wit, the benefit of his sober and dispassionate insight
 
Impeach?Mister Spinboogers, what is DAP?
I don't know, let's impeach the President!
 
Is the DAP constitutional?
I don't know, let's impeach the President!
 
Did the people benefit from DAP?
I don't know, let's impeach the President!
 

How's your dictator?

Fri, 07/25/2014 - 18:29
 
                                                                                                                            graphic from Fight Back
Dear Filipinos
We at Shatweak, Schwindle & Troll Political Consultancy Inc understand your country has just acquired a brand-new dictator. Congratulations! Please take this brief questionnaire to help us determine if your new dictator meets strict international standards.
 

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