Seeing that journalism has lately become a focus of public interest, I feel it my duty as a practicing journalist to earnestly answer this specially prepared, long and comprehensive list of utterly bogus random questions about my profession:
1. What's so special about being a journalist?
For one thing, it allows a writer (like me) to use the plural pronoun and morph into the dreaded "Editorial We"
2. What's so special about this "we" thing?
Hello everybody! I am Procopio Nakinabang, a director at a GOCC. You don't know what a GOCC is? No problem! I'm here to tell you all about it. But first, let me give myself a bonus.
(Cash register ka-ching)
President Benigno Aquino III should slow down his reforms to give Vice President Jejomar Binay a "reasonable chance" of rolling them back once he becomes president.
The appeal was aired yesterday by a shady troll claiming to work for the Binay party.
Tol Fapol, president, CEO and sole employee of the Binayaran Walking Tumor Enterprises online consultancy, said that "Aquino should be more considerate. How about giving an older guy a break?"
The Marcos family has unveiled a new strategy for dealing with its numerous victims and critics: wait for them to die off.
"We've decided that apart from lying about and denying all their accusations, we will basically outlive all those stupid people", said Marcos flunky Benedicto Maligno, chief of the PR consultancy firm Mordor Enterprises, Pte.
by Alan Robles
Government yesterday announced it was taking "immediate action" to regulate satire in the Philippines.
Speaking to reporters, Marcos Madalang, Spokesman Class IV at the Department of Some Office or Another, said that "we have come to the conclusion that satire is hazardous."
He denied the government was engaged in censorship, or was stifling free speech.
by Alan Robles
The University of the Philippines (UP) has apparently renamed its business administration college the "Cesar EA Virata School of Business", in honor of some totally random dude nobody knows.
Haha, just kidding. Actually Virata's a distinguished and noted international financing wizard who played a key historic role. His unique contribution? The economic model known as "let's prop up the Martial Law dictatorship." Instead of macroeconomics, call it marcoseconomics.
by Alan Robles
The solution to Metro Manila's horrendous traffic and floods is simple: live in Australia.
This was the key finding in a study presented yesterday by self-proclaimed urban planner Dick Langtrabaho
According to Langtrabaho, "it's conclusive -- the best way to deal with Manila's terrible gridlock is to live in Oz."
He said he had chosen that particular country for a "very" logical reason -- "because I say so."
By Alan Robles
Martial Law? What Martial Law? What Marcos dictatorship? Never happened! Go home.
Ha ha, just kidding. OF COURSE Martial Law happened. In fact, that's what we're here to talk about. You see it seems more and more Filipinos are beginning to forget about that period
To address this problem, we've put together this short summary using highly reliable sources such as Wikipedia, elementary school textbooks, FB sites and random kids walking around our neighborhood .
The palace is burning! You're being bombed by aircraft! There's a mob of millions marching down the main avenue straight to your gates! What's the first thing you should think of?
Bring the red shoes or the gold-heeled ones?