An officially approved bus tour of Manila

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 11:12

by Alan Robles

Mabuhay, everyone! Welcome aboard our bus for our special new tour of our WONDERFUL city of Manila.

I'm your guide, Derma Dementa of MyLabs Tours, and I'm HAPPY to show you around my FABULOUS city. You've probably heard all those nasty fake reports about murders and killings and whatnot -- THEY ARE LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!

Oh, I'm sorry sir! I didn't mean to make you jump like that. Did I startle you? Here, let me pick up your glasses.

If Facebook were a giant cruise ship

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 11:05

by Alan Robles

Captain: Ahoy everybody, this is Captain Clueless speaking! Welcome aboard SS Facebook, the world's largest social media cruise ship, currently carrying millions of passengers and constantly picking up even more. Your comfort and safety are our first concern...

First Officer: Captain!

Captain: What is it?

First Officer: A passenger is complaining she's being sexually harassed by some other passengers!

Saving the crook industry

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 10:55

by Alan Robles
Some weeks back, an editor friend went to a Quezon City address and parked his bicycle, chaining and locking it to a post. When he came back an hour later, he discovered he could no longer free his bike. A thief had tried to pick the lock, failed, but ended up jamming the lock. The editor had to find a hammer to break the chain.

I don't know about you but for me this incident rings alarm bells. Think carefully about the serious problem it calls attention to.

That's right: the quality of our crooks is deteriorating.

The Obosen Chronicles

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 10:46

by Alan Robles
In a coming US TV show episode, a fictitious American state secretary punches a fictitious Philippine president. Our government is angry about it. But why? Everyone can clearly see that it's fiction. If it were realistic, the scene would end with the Philippine president shooting the state secretary.

Anyway, the incident points to a crying need for one thing: a TV series that actually, honestly shows how this administration works.
As it so happens and by an amazing coincidence - yo Martin, where's the one thousand bucks? - we happen to have a script treatment right here! So without further ado, let's watch:

Famous recipes from Martial Law

Mon, 03/07/2016 - 22:20
 
Recently, a Filipino cooking page on Facebook started spouting pro-Marcos gibberish and linked to the "top 10 establishments built under the Marcos regime."
 
You'd think that by "establishments" a cooking page would mean "resto", or "auberge" or even "carinderia", but no, it turns out it means "buildings". And the list isn't even complete - it doesn't mention the millions in sleazy kickbacks and commissions the Marcoses got for each project.
 
Anyway, what the FB page did is just plain WRONG. It's wrong because if you're a Filipino food recipe page, you shouldn't talk about Martial Law's construction projects: you should give examples of famous recipes from the dictatorship. Don't know any of those recipes? Well, lucky for you, those who experienced Martial Law do. Here are a few.

The Adventures of Plunderer's Boy

Sun, 11/22/2015 - 17:00
 
 
I've been reading Marcos comics. These are gripping black and white short untitled cartoon strips, circulated on social media, that supposedly show significant moments in the life of Ferdinand junior, aka Bongbong aka Baby, aka Mini Me.
 
The strips are drawn in a simple, cute way and are totally honest. For instance they depict the young Marcos with an oversized pumpkin-like head, which is exactly how people have always pictured Marcos junior. Should the unknown artist title the comic, he or she might consider naming it “Balloon Head” or maybe “The Life of Lobong Marcos Jr.” Me, I'd go with something punchier: “The Adventures of Plunderer's Boy.”

DND hearts dictator

Thu, 10/29/2015 - 19:00
 
September 11 marks the birth anniversary of the worst excuse for a president this country ever had: Ferdinand Marcos. He was a murderous, thieving, deceitful dictator whose regime brutally slaughtered at least 3,200 Filipinos and tortured tens of thousands more. He and his family stole up to US$10 billion, stashing the plunder abroad.
 
His record of crimes is well known to the whole world.
 
Apparently though, the Philippine Department of National Defense (DND) didn't get the memo.
 
In its website, the DND offers a biography of Marcos (http://www.dnd.gov.ph/ferdinand-e-marcos.html) that's only one soft lingering sweet kiss short of suck. The entry on the dictator, who once served as defense secretary, is so dirt-free even his own (also dead) mother would never recognize the whitewashed monster. "Ayy naku, sino yan", you can almost hear her screech in alarm.
 

Beware the Marcos Loyalist Virus

Sun, 10/25/2015 - 20:01
 
Ferdinand Marcos was a deceitful dictator whose regime brutally murdered at least 3,200 Filipinos and tortured and jailed tens of thousands more. He destroyed democracy and stole at least US$10 billion. Now, knowledge of these crimes is threatened by an insidious Marcos loyalist virus slowly infecting the population.
 
We talk to Dr. Albert Kasuka, who claims to have studied the spread of this brain wiping disease.

 

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