"What EDSA? What victims?" - Bongbong Marcos, in 1999

Sun, 10/25/2015 - 18:43
 
 
Martial Law's Human rights victims are motivated by greed. All they want is money. Wait, come to think of it, there probably AREN'T any human rights victims at all.. And oh yeah, EDSA 1986? That  was a "power grab."
 
Authentic words of wisdom coming to us from Ferdinand "Mini Me" Marcos jr 16 years ago, as reported in the Manila Times.
 
It was 1999, and the Marcoses were feeling very good about themselves. After all, not only were they back in power (Imelda and daughter Imee had gotten themselves elected to Congress),  Joseph Estrada had just won the presidency.  He was a friend of the Marcoses, and had said he wanted to have the repulsive dead dictator's decaying remains buried in a hero's grave at Libingan ng Mga Bayani. Apart from this, his administration was working on a "compromise agreement" that would see the government dropping all ill-gotten wealth cases against the Marcoses, who would be allowed to hang on to a generous portion of their plundered wealth.

Spin doctors overjoyed Bongbong Marcos finally has a really thick face

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 14:00
 
Spin doctors of Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos junior yesterday rejoiced their client has finally grown a "thick, deceit-worthy face."
 
They exulted after seeing Marcos junior declare "what am I to say sorry about?" when his dictator father's crimes were alluded to in a TV interview early this week.
 
"Did you see that? He didn't bat an eyelash!", shouted one political consultant, part of an anxious team of spin doctors, child psychologists, speech coaches, evil shamans, orcs and hobgoblins gathered at a media "war room" in the Imelda Marcos 

Join the Marcos Club now!

Mon, 06/01/2015 - 07:51
 
 
Through Facebook, my number one source of totally accurate info, I discovered a post inviting people to pay PHP 250 to join the “Bongbong Marcos for President Movement.”
 
In return, the member gets an official ID card and (should Marcos win) a chance to earn up to PHP 1 million from “Marcos wealth.”
 
Is the post a joke? Well, one reason why it might be true is that it has the name “Marcos” in it, and everyone knows this is the leading brand when it comes to scams, crime and douchebaggery.

Loyalists: Solve our national problems - resurrect Marcos

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 18:32
 
 
Marcos loyalists have a simple solution to the country's problems: bring the dictator back from the dead.
 
At the brutal tyrant's crypt in Batac, fanatics have gathered to do just that.
 
Amid eerie rhythmic chanting from massed robed worshipers accompanied by the steady pounding of a huge drum, shrieking shamans called on the refrigerated corpse to come back to life. "Hear the pleas of your cringing worthless loyalist minions, oh master," they implored, pleas interspersed with bloodcurdling howls of "Marcos pa rin."
 
The rite was abruptly interrupted when the electricity shut down, and sounds of dripping were mixed with curses.
 
"The cooperative has cut off the power again!", yelled one of the unholy priests."Hurry you fools, pay the bill before master turns into a malignant puddle."

Manufacturer assures Marcos loyalists steady supply of lies

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 09:20
 
 
Marcos loyalists can be assured of a steady supply of lies to promote their idol, said a firm that makes some of the falsehoods.
 
"Loyalists don't ever need to worry about a shortage of shameless lies, baldfaced fabrications and mendacities to support their dearly beloved, malevolent and currently festering leader", declared Tool Furol, chief chair arranger and projector focus adjuster of the consultancy firm Indestructible Deceits and Jeepney Barker Enterprises.
 
"I personally guarantee that my company will keep them well-supplied with the outrageous perversions and dishonest claims they need to shore up their belief in our glorious and gelatinous Ferdinand."
 
He said he was making the announcement in reaction to "rumors" that Marcos loyalists were running out of fake info, falsified data and untruths.
 
"Those stories that we're running out of lies are -- well, lies," he spluttered. "To such claims, I say, stuff and nonsense, in the pretentious tone I use in my posts on Facebook."

Modern Philippine mythical creatures

Mon, 10/27/2014 - 11:19
 
 
A report from a totally reliable source -- an anonymous text message -- says Batangas is being menaced by a group of aswang on a truck.
 
I think it's a hoax. Don't you think it's suspicious how the message fails to say how the aswang were recognized? Did they drive their truck close enough for the texter to get a good look at their Official Aswang IDs? For all we know they could have been congressmen -- it's easy to confuse the two species.
 
But even if the report is bogus, it raises a timely question: isn't it time to update the list of Philippine mythological creatures?

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