Binay minion to PNoy: Slow down reforms or our boss won't be able to roll all of them back

Mon, 10/07/2013 - 08:00

By Alan Robles

President Benigno Aquino III should slow down his reforms to give Vice President Jejomar Binay a "reasonable chance" of rolling them back once he becomes president.

The appeal was aired yesterday by a shady troll claiming to work for the Binay party.

Tol Fapol, president, CEO and sole employee of the Binayaran Walking Tumor Enterprises online consultancy, said that "Aquino should be more considerate. How about giving an older guy a break?"

Marcoses will just wait for all Martial Law victims, witnesses to die off

Mon, 09/02/2013 - 03:24

The Marcos family has unveiled a new strategy for dealing with its numerous victims and critics: wait for them to die off.

"We've decided that apart from lying about and denying all their accusations, we will basically outlive all those stupid people", said Marcos flunky Benedicto Maligno, chief of the PR consultancy firm Mordor Enterprises, Pte.

Government bares plan to regulate satire

Fri, 06/28/2013 - 08:53

by Alan Robles

Government yesterday announced it was taking "immediate action" to regulate satire in the Philippines.

Speaking to reporters, Marcos Madalang, Spokesman Class IV at the Department of Some Office or Another, said that "we have come to the conclusion that satire is hazardous."

He denied the government was engaged in censorship, or was stifling free speech.

UP, rename those colleges!

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 16:32

by Alan Robles

The University of the Philippines (UP) has apparently renamed its business administration college the "Cesar EA Virata School of Business", in honor of some totally random dude nobody knows.

Haha, just kidding. Actually Virata's a distinguished and noted international financing wizard who played a key historic role. His unique contribution? The economic model known as "let's prop up the Martial Law dictatorship." Instead of macroeconomics, call it marcoseconomics.

Expert's solution to Manila's traffic

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 12:46

by Alan Robles

The solution to Metro Manila's horrendous traffic and floods is simple: live in Australia.

This was the key finding in a study presented yesterday by self-proclaimed urban planner Dick Langtrabaho

According to Langtrabaho, "it's conclusive -- the best way to deal with Manila's terrible gridlock is to live in Oz."

He said he had chosen that particular country for a "very" logical reason -- "because I say so."

Sightseeing with new eyes

Fri, 03/25/2011 - 08:00
 
originally published in SCMP Dec 15 2005
 
Things to do in Manila if you're a tourist: No1 - get out of town by sundown ... Many travellers barely touch down in the capital before they're off like a shot for the provinces.
 
And why not? Who would want to endure the city's crime and grime a minute longer when the beaches of Boracay, the seascapes of Palawan, the mountain vistas of Benguet and the dive spots of the Visayas beckon? True, there are dive spots in Manila, but they're really low dives, if you get my drift.

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