by Alan Robles
By now, pretty much all of planet Earth - and probably a few neighboring star systems - is aware that Ferdinand Marcos was a lying, stinking, thieving butcher.
This is something that doesn't sit well with Marcos loyalists.
"Aww, he's not that bad", they say while drooling on their alphabet blocks (the complete loyalist set, A to B)
Loyalists don't like hearing that Marcos killed thousands of Filipinos, jailed and tortured tens of thousands more, and stole at least US$10 billion. They don't like hearing how Marcos chopped up the economy, dividing it with his family and friends, and chopped up Filipinos when they complained or looked unhappy.
In the past, loyalists would just flat out deny the dictator's crimes, but lately they've been facing inconvenient things such as lots of facts, truth, evidence, eyewitnesses, etc. So they've upped their game and resorted to a new strategy.
I call it "Super Crazy Marcos Loyalist Claims."
Did you know that Marcos was personally decorated by General MacArthur during World War 2? Sure! That's what it shows on this "photo" right here that I got from Facebook, the loyalists' favorite source of totally reliable info.
Let me just say this: if you trained a chimpanzee in Photoshop and then made it examine this picture, the chimp would get angry because it would know it could have done a better job. So my advice to loyalists? When you make a Super Crazy Marcos Claim like this, make sure a chimpanzee photoshops the fake picture, OK?
Another Super Crazy Loyalist Claim from FB is this "proclamation" from 1992, saying President Corazon Aquino recognizes that Marcos' stolen plunder is really "divine wealth" and therefore instructs the justice secretary to "clear the issuance of any legal proceedings" whatever that means. Who certified it as defined wealth? That ultra credible organization called "World Authorities."
I'm just guessing, but it probably holds office in "The World."
The proclamation says the wealth of Marcos is "written in his Huling Kalooban at Tipan executed on Dec 20, 1986 that kept preserved in the World Trade Center." Absolutely believable, yes? Look, it was SIGNED by Corazon Aquino!
I think the unique power of this particular Super Crazy Claim is that it gives anyone who reads it blinding headaches, interfering with normal brain function and stopping all thought of Marcos' crimes.
From FB, again, there is this letter dated 1986 allegedly from Jovito Salonga, which basically says (I think) that Marcos' loot is "divine assets" belonging to the Holy Father in Heaven, and Marcos transferred all authority to a "Spiritual Wonder Boy" and therefore the plunder is not ill-gotten. Nobody can contest this Super Crazy document, because at the very bottom it is signed not just by Salonga, but also by Marcos. And Ronald Reagan. And Queen Elizabeth II. This thoroughness shows, you really need to work hard to make the Super Crazy cut.
By the way, did you know that Marcos was also a great inventor? According to one loyalist he was responsible for an "anti-typhoon missile." And another loyalist says Marcos invented the growth of Makati as a business district. It's just a matter of time before someone claims Marcos invented the Internet, thereby angering Al Gore.
Anyway, I did some fact-checking and just to set the record straight, yes Marcos was indeed an inventor. Here is a short list of the things he invented:
1. Ambush of Juan Ponce Enrile
2. Election results
3. War record
I've been trying to reach out to Spiritual Wonder Boy for comment, but haven't gotten any. Maybe I should call up World Authorities.