by Alan Robles
A group of people denied yesterday they were plotting to overthrow the government and claimed they were just hosting a "bingo social."
The group was surprised by news reporters who were tipped off by agitated neighbors that "something fishy" was going on in a certain mansion in southern Manila.
"Coup plot? What coup plot? We were just holding a weekend day of fun and games, anything wrong with that?" said the belligerent woman who answered the door as she attempted to block the reporters from entering.
After a few minutes, during which reporters heard sounds of hasty packing and furniture being overturned, she allowed the media inside.
"We were just playing bingo" she claimed. "The players are excitable and so their noise may have disturbed the neighbors."
She explained that "contrary to what our neighbors are saying, we were shouting BINGO, not GRINGO."
When a voice at the back of the house yelled "Hey where did my molotov cocktail go?", she hastily added, "and Bert back there was just serving drinks at the bar."
Told that the large armored vehicle parked on her driveway was attracting attention, she replied: "Oh that? Some bishops came by, they were looking for some Mitsubishi SUVs, but we were trying to convince them, THAT is the vehicle they should go with."
Asked why some sofas in the living room seemed to be shaking, she said "I'm sure it isn't because of some bishops hiding underneath." Then she added, in a louder voice:
"And I'm SURE you WON'T find any renegade ex-colonels hiding under the maid's bed, either."
When a reporter discovered a map and markers set out on a dining table, she said "oh, we were also playing Monopoly." Asked to explain why the board seemed to depict Malacañang Palace and EDSA prominently, and had counters shaped like tanks, she said, "it's a new version of the game, we call it Monopoly of Power."
She introduced one of her guests as Sid Buyas, a dance instructor. "He's a cha-cha expert, he's here to teach it to us, it's one of our favorites,."
As for the grating, pompous and highly unpleasant droning sound in the background, she told reporters, "oh that's just Kit, he's upstairs reliving the time when he declared Martial Law. He thinks that was his best performance, so he likes to practice in case the chance comes for him to do it again."
When her attention was called to a man who was crawling on the floor, she said, "that's Joe, he likes looking for bugs. He thinks we're under surveillance by intelligence agents. When he starts ranting that he's with the CIA, we have to hit him on the head several times, then he's ok."
She told the reporters, "tell the neighbors there's nothing to worry about, no coup plotting here. Now if you don't mind, we're about to hold a group prayer against the antichrist in Malacañang and we still have a game of musical chairs to play."