by Alan Robles
A self-described inventor wants to turn national disgust into an alternative energy source.
According to Abe "Tootsie" Takeda, "if only we could harness the widespread disgust and revulsion and convert it into electricity, our energy needs would be met."
He pointed out that "scientists are already working on ways to generate electricity from walking and other body movements, this is just another application of the same concept."
Takeda said the idea came to him when he observed the disgust Filipinos showed shortly after the elections.
"That was around the time the Senate results were coming in and people discovered Nancy Binay was winning. It occurred to me, there's so much disgust here! Why aren't we using this abundant resource?"
He explained that under his envisioned Kadiri is OK For Power Program (KOK4PP) "the first step would be to quantify and measure Filipino disgust.
"I'm looking at various measurements of intensity. At the lowest level there's the Frown, followed by the Face Palm and then Palpable Shaking."
The inventor said, though, that he still hadn't thought of a word for the highest level of disgust. "I can only describe it as full contact extremely physical revulsion.
"This is the kind of shrieking, screaming violent disgust you exhibit when, for example, you realize you didn't place number 1 at the elections."
Takeda said the next stage would be converting the disgust into electricity.
"We have many options. Do we get piezoelectricity from mechanical pressure such as head shaking and foot stomping? Convert screaming into electromagnetic energy? Gather heat from incensed bodies? I say we should study all of these. We could set up Kadiri Harvest Centers (KHCs) where thousands of Filipinos will gather to punch bags, ride bikes violently or scream in rage."
Takeda said finding a constant supply of disgust would be an "insignificant problem."
"This is a country where you find widespread disgust. Filipinos are disgusted by politics, traffic, corruption, deceptive mall sales and WiFi speeds.
"You can even create it. For example, we could always ask Senator Tito Sotto to give a nationwide privilege speech."
The inventor declared: "Our national dream should be that one day, if there's a massive brownout, all we have to do is put up a large Binay For President poster and within hours we'll have enough disgust-generated electricity to power Luzon."
Takeda revealed he had a personal stake in the proposed technology as he himself is often full of disgust, especially when he runs out of money to pay the Internet cafe where he's often found trolling Facebook.
"I am excited because this practical innovation could be the breakthrough that could end my lack of money", he said.
"And of course", he hastily added, "also provide electricity to the country."
Takeda, who described himself as an "ingenious, glorious entrepreneur and self-made inventor whose wife has definitely not left him", gave details of his proposal in a street corner press conference in the barangay where this reporter lives. This reporter by the way was NOT lacking any story to file that day