Our first online survey

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 13:07

by Alan Robles

We couldn't believe how some networks and newspapers would just blindly publish the results of an online survey. Didn't they ask for the methodology? Question the validity? Interview other statisticians? Apparently they did none of these things.

So we did the most logical thing: set up our own online polling company.

It's called "Decepticus Fantasia" and we like to describe it as "established." As in, "established 30 minutes ago." Like it? The company's motto is "our surveys aren't just credible, they're INcredible."

Our first online poll will be on a popular topic, the MRT 3. We invite everyone to take our impartial, scientific, and of course incredible survey below.

You don't have the time? In line with our company's rigorous policies we have no choice but to fill it up for you. What's that? Your'e asking, what about those people who aren't online? No worries, we'll wait for them to go online, but in the meantime we'll also answer the survey for them.

1. Are you online?
a. Yes I'm online
b. No I'm online
c. I don't know I'm online

2. Are you a credible survey respondent?
a. Yes I am
b. No I am
c. I don't know I am

3. Are you an MRT commuter?
a. Yes I am
b. No I am
c. I don't know I am

4. On the average, how often do you ride the MRT 3?
a. Every day
b. Every month
c. Every time it's not burning or exploding

5. How would you describe the MRT's train stations?
a.Crowded
b.Well designed
c. I don't know, I haven't seen it yet. I've been standing in this line for two years now

6. Which part of taking the MRT do you find the most unpleasant?
a. Lining up to get a ticket
b. Lining up to board the train
c. Lining up to get down from the train and walk on the tracks when the train breaks down

7. What worries you the most when riding the MRT?
a. Being separated from my companions
b. Being separated from my valuables
c. Being separated from the rest of the train

8. What "technical problems" do you dislike the most?
a. Train is late
b. Train separates into several parts
c. Train vanishes into another dimension

9. When you hear the MRT station announce "technical problems" do you silently thank God our great president is working hard solving the MRT problem?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Yes

10. Are you happy with the way the Duterte government is handling the MRT problem?
a. Yes I'm happy
b. No I'm happy
c. I don't know I'm happy

11. Do you think the MRT problem is all the fault of the dilawan?
a, Yes it is
b. No it is
c. I don''t know it is

12. Do you feel the way to fix the MRT is to have an all out war on drugs plus revolutionary government plus martial law?
a. Yes
b. Yes
c. Yes

And now here are the key and conclusive findings of our MRT study:
1. The Duterte government is the greatest ever
2. 110% of millenials support the Duterte government
3. The Duterte government should DEFINITELY hire Decepticus for all its survey needs.

 

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