Stamp of Approval

Thu, 12/07/2017 - 13:02

Last week, without any warning the Philippine Postal Corporation (PHLPost) issued a special commemorative stamp featuring the smiling face of the murderous dictator Ferdinand Marcos.
It provoked an outcry, protests and questions. We are here to answer those questions.

Q: Do you represent PHLPost?
A: Nope. 

Q: So why are you taking the questions?
A: We think our answers are better. 

Q: Sounds fair. Why did PHLPost release the Marcos stamp?
A: We're just implementing guidelines. 

Q: What guidelines?
A: To issue stamps marking the 100th birth anniversary of every president. 

Q: You do know that Ferdinand Marcos was a vicious, murderous, plundering, lying, cheating dictator with no redeeming value right?
A: Yes. 

Q: So why issue the stamp?
A: To be honest, we wanted to say "vicious, murderous, plundering, lying cheating dictator with no redeeming value" but we found there wasn't enough space on the stamp for all those words. 

Q: And so?
A: So we just decided to put a smiling picture of Marcos. 

Q: (silence)
A: He's smiling because it's how we think he would look if he knew his face ended up on a commemorative stamp. 

Q: You know you're honoring a criminal, murderer, thief and dictator? Is it because you're sucking up to President Duterte, who publicly admires Marcos, had the late dictator's remains buried in the heroes' cemetery and is palsy-walsy with the Marcos family who he claims helped finance his election campaign? Is this stamp supposed to indicate this administration's love of Marcos?
A: Of course not. What we did is covered in our postal mandate, as specified in our guidelines right here: "PHLPost is committed to honoring the memory of every scumbag dictator" - see? Right there under the section called "Groveling", subsection "save our skins."

Q: What does PHLPost gain from this?
A: Access to a secret Swiss bank account? A position in PCOO? Just kidding. We think the stamp will be wildly popular. 

Q: What makes you say that?
A: Hordes of Marcos loyalists will buy the stamp for one reason. 

Q: What is that?
A: We all know how loyalists love licking Marcos' backside, so they can go crazy with these stamps. Lick all day and night.

Q: (silence)
A: And let's not forget the stamp has practical uses. When you send for your fake Oxford diploma, this is the stamp we recommend you attach to your letter.

Q: What else?
A: Well, If you want to send express mail to Hell, this is the stamp you definitely want to use. 

Q: You can write to Marcos?
A: Oh yes, he'll be glad to get some mail. Nobody gets in touch with him except loyalists and those are all idiots. Also he's getting impatient waiting for Imelda and Johnny. 

Q: Don't you think issuing this stamp sends a message: "Look at me, I'm a murdering torturing bastard and I got away with looting billions of dollars, my family's back in power and the post office just issued a stamp with my face in it." Well?
A: Oh look at the time! Sorry those are all the questions we can take for now. We must go about our appointed rounds now. We have a full day of cringing ahead of us
 

 

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