by Alan Robles
Noting the keen public interest in bullet planting issue, we have decided to exploit it by putting together this package of more or less dubious questions and answers.
1. I've heard that when I check-in at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport there's a chance somebody will set me up by planting a bullet in my bag and then accost me and demand a bribe so I won't be arrested
The good news is that it doesn't happen to everyone. There are exemptions.
2. Thank goodness. Who are exempted?
Congressmen, cabinet members, high ranking government officials, rich people and powerful businessmen
3. But I'm just an ordinary citizen traveler!
What's this? A bullet in your bag? Come this way please
4. You mean to tell me, on top of the dilapidated facilities, abusive, corrupt and thieving personnel, overpriced shops, taxi and car rental syndicates, blatant favoritism where VIPs don't need to go through lines -- harried travelers now using the airport face being shaken down by this scam?
Consider it an added value service of the airport
5. What is government doing about this problem?
Officials are even now keenly staring at the wall, waiting for the problem to go away
6. I'm planning to bring a loaded assault rifle magazine, a banana clip with 30 rounds of 7.67 mm ammunition. Will this pose any problems?
Definitely. Passengers are not allowed to bring their own bullets as airport personnel are supposed to provide these themselves
7. What about howitzer shells?
Our staff are hard at work trying to figure out how to sneak this into your bag. The basic problem is an artillery shell is hard to conceal in the palm of the hand.,
8. My infantry platoon needs a rapid reload option. I'm thinking of marching them in and out of the airport until their ammo pouches are full. Is this possible?
Avail of our discounted group rates. Do talk to the nearest suspicious looking guard.
9. Help! Airport authorities say they have found a bullet in my bag and I really suspect they're trying to extort me
What makes you say that?
10. They're here in my bedroom at my house. I haven't even finished packing my luggage yet!
Won't you at least give some credit to the extra-zeal of our hardworking airport officials?
14. I want to exploit this story to discredit the government and I have a bucketful of ammunition here I'd like to scatter all over the airport. Where should I go?
Please fall in line and expect a long wait. The queue of people trying to discredit this government is very long.