Imelda's Top 10 Packing Tips for Fleeing Dictators

Mon, 02/28/2011 - 00:00

by Alan Robles

The palace is burning! You're being bombed by aircraft! There's a mob of millions marching down the main avenue straight to your gates! What's the first thing you should think of?

Bring the red shoes or the gold-heeled ones?

I know, I know, isn't it silly? And I didn't know whether to wear casual, informal or military fatigues! Darling, these sudden occasions just don't give you time to plan! You'll probably forget to feed the piranha in the swimming pool! A crowd of screaming people will be at your door before you can say "the good, the true and the beautiful", isn't that just so awful? It seemed so terrible when it happened to us then, but now we just laugh about it as we fan ourselves with our Swiss bank account certificates.

Anyway, just to make sure the same social distress doesn't befall you, I've prepared you this short list of packing tips to help prepare you for that big moment in every beloved ruler's career when the army turns against you, the people are screaming for your blood, Uncle Sam has sold you out, and you can't even decide if you're going to go with diamond or pearl earrings!


10 Remember: you're talking of big cargo planes, minimum.
09 If you're bringing your shoes you might need a container ship as well
08 If the US is involved, hold out for an aircraft carrier
07 Leave the war medals. They're fake anyway,you can always buy new ones
06 So many dollars! And jewelry! And is that a tiara? Who left all that lying around the living room? I did? Well anyway you'll need something to put them in. My suggestion is another cargo plane
05 Bring a karaoke along. It will help pass time during the flight to your new home. And you can threaten the pilots with your singing if they suddenly decide to fly you somewhere else
04 Don't forget the spouse!
03 And those kids
02 The pets! Dogs, cats, parakeets, armed forces chief of staff...
01 Don't bother trying to attach a hook to the palace, it won't work. We tried it. Anyway you'll probably be coming back after a couple decades



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