Be my Valentine: our suggested gifts for the power elite

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 00:00
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Dear politicians: soon it will be February. You DO know what that signifies, right? What do you mean, "three months till elections?" And why are you drooling?

Look, February means it's going to be Valentine's -- the day of love and romance! We're all suckers for romance, yes? And February 14 is the day we reaffirm our love for our most cherished beloved, the one we can't do without: Our lover. Our spouse. Our pork barrel.

For a politician, Valentine's is a great opportunity to show you care (CARE -- look it up in your instruction manual, under "rarely visited user functions"). You do this by distributing special gifts to those who matter -- the people who'll approve the multibillon loan for your dubious land project, the guys who'll give you a million votes from a province which has a population of 20 k tops.

You don't want to give them any pedestrian, run of the mill gift. No brown bags stuffed with money (so gauche), or dinner at some swanky NY restaurant on taxpayers' money (face it, EVERYONE does that all the time anyway) . No, you'll want to go the extra mile -- complete with right of way and C-5 extension -- and give them something special.

That's what we're here for. May we propose OUR list of unusual, meaningful and touching Valentine's gifts for the power elite.

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