Be my Valentine: our suggested gifts for the power elite

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 00:00
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mailed fist

What sends the message of love and unbridled lust for power better than a steel gauntlet? Why, what else but TWO steel gauntlets! A matching set for double the fun and twice the oppressive action.

Sporting these babies on your dukes, you'll never have any problems listening to twaddle about "following the rule of law". Merely flash your iron fists and all those human rights activists with their silly concerns will slink away.Tired of checks and balances? Smash them righteously with your shiny mailed fists.

These metal mitts are highly recommended for delicate surgical procedures such as changing the constitution. Also very useful for social occasions such as pushing your way through the buffet line, or grabbing people's democratic rights and clinging to power indefinitely. Give your friends and lackeys a handshake they'll never forget. Just remember to take them off before going to the toilet.

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