Be my Valentine: our suggested gifts for the power elite

Mon, 01/25/2010 - 00:00
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bag of holding

What to give that special someone who's stolen got everything? How about a handy sack for the booty?

Young trapos clued in to MMORPGs will particularly appreciate the utility of the Enchanted Bag of Holding. Don't know where to put your Pork Barrel allotment? Menus to expensive NY restaurants cluttering up your desk? Deeds for all those condos for your mistresses littered on the floor? Tuck em all into this capacious bag. Pop in ballot boxes, ammunition cases, forged voters' IDs, the occasional armored vehicle or two. This miracle bag is ready to accomodate em all. Why keep judges in your pockets when you can stuff em in this bag? And, as per RPG lore, it won't weigh a thing!

Now, we can already hear some of you whining: "there's no such thing as an Enchanted Bag of Holding! It's a figment of fantasy role-playing game imagination! "

We ask you this: Do you believe this government has made great strides against corruption? That elections are honest? That economic growth is high? That the population is prosperous and happy? That the president is popular?

If you believe in all of those things, you'll believe in the Enchanted Bag of Holding.

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