A new way to celebrate EDSA

Fri, 03/24/2000 - 00:00

Who says you can't celebrate EDSA in a depoliticized way? With a little help from 3,000 policemen government is ready to show how to organize a REAL celebration

Sounds: Glug glug glug glug glug

Announcer: Thank you thank you for the fine speech Mr. President

Sounds: Glug glug glug glug glug

Announcer: Yes Mr. President, ahem, thank you

Sounds: Glug glug glug glug -- BLAG

Announcer: And that was the President

Frantic applause from retained and newly appointed cabinet officials

Announcer: Today is a very important day. Today we've all come here to show that , yes, you can celebrate EDSA in a....sir?

Sounds: Depo-, depol-, depo-, depoli-, ah basta walang politish - BLAG

Announcer: That's right! Depoliticized! And who says the spirit of EDSA is dead? Not us! In fact we invited Madam Bauring the spiritista and labandera with strange powers, to tell us how the spirit is doing! Madam?

Spiritista: I see the spirit of Edsa.

Announcer: What is it doing?

Spiritista: Lying down

Announcer: Lying down?

Spiritista: It's tired

Announcer: Er, what else do you see?

Spiritista: The spirit of Marcos

Announcer: Really?

Spiritista: It's talking to ghost voters

Announcer: What?

Spiritista: Now he's on the phone. He's giving instructions on how to invest his Swiss funds

Announcer: Well, ahem, thank you. Security, get her out of here. For the next part of our show we will have a retelling of the wonderful story of EDSA by someone who was there!

Participant: Once upon a time there was a national hero married to a steel butterfly. They were completely devoted to each other

Sweet pamulinawen type music

Participant: The president wanted to build a nice mall on this street called EDSA, but the evil people refused to allow it. They barricaded the street and forced the national hero to send in armored amphibious vehicles to talk politely to them

Tragic pamulinawen type music

Participant: Unfortunately, the people were stubborn, and the hero had to take a vacation in Hawaii, where he died from exhaustion trying to hold up all the money he had brought with him. Sniff. Bow

Announcer: Yes, let's all thank the Executive Secretary for sharing his memories with us! Give him a big hand!

Frantic applause from retained and newly appointed cabinet officials

Announcer: Now for a public service announcement. We want to dispel all the rumors that certain fastfood stores are using genetically mutated chickens. So we invited one of their spokesmen over to reassure the public. Sir?

Spokesperson: We don't need to use genetically mutated chickens. You see we have ample supplies of chickens here. There are lots and lots of chickens

Announcer: Really?

Spokesperson: Yes. This is a nation full of chickens. Why just look at Congress

Crony Goons: Ah ganoon hah!

Spokesperson: No, wait! Please! I was just kidding!

Exit pursued by military in a chicken-shaped armored amphibious vehicle

Add new comment