UP, rename those colleges!

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 16:32

by Alan Robles

The University of the Philippines (UP) has apparently renamed its business administration college the "Cesar EA Virata School of Business", in honor of some totally random dude nobody knows.


Haha, just kidding. Actually Virata's a distinguished and noted international financing wizard who played a key historic role. His unique contribution? The economic model known as "let's prop up the Martial Law dictatorship." Instead of macroeconomics, call it marcoseconomics.


You would think that UP is known for being a bastion of activists. But UP officials say "Virata's career can be an inspiration to aspiring managers." It certainly can. Only think of it: anytime a thieving, murderous, cheating, malignant bandit bastard dictator needs technocrats for footstools he can surely count on any of the suitably inspired, eager graduates of the UP business admin, er, Cesar EA Virata School of Business.


I have one complaint though. Why stop here? We should see this event as a wonderful opportunity. Think of all the UP colleges, institutes, halls and buildings that can also be renamed.


Let's mention some possibilities:


Doroy Valencia College of Mass Communication. Sure, right now it's named after "Plaridel"; well, time to replace that old stiff with another old stiff. The college would turn out journalists proudly inspired by the example of a columnist who committed himself to being a lickspittle spokesman of the Marcos dictatorship. I can already picture students of the DVCMC hanging out with those of the Cesar EV Virata School of Business, holding contests to see who has the most flexible spines, or who can bark the loudest.


Colonel Rodolfo Aguinaldo Institute of Human Rights. Why not? Who better to lend his name to our sacred human rights than someone who totally devoted his life to removing them? Along with assorted body parts of torture victims. The fact that Aguinaldo was gunned down by communists might seem awkward but I'm sure graduates of the Doroy Valencia College of Mass Communication will find a way to spin the story so he becomes a hero fighting a communist plot requiring another Martial Law. And then graduates of the Cesar EA Virata School of Business will whistle up some juicy foreign loans for the regime.


Herminio Disini Commission on Nuclear Plants. It's not a college or institute. It's a commission. Get it?


Imelda Marcos Institute of Tourism. Face it, who else is the most traveled Filipino in history, eh? "Tourism" is practically her middle name. Students of this institute would take courses such as "Europe on Two Million Dollars a Day." Graduates of the School of Business would make sure there'd always be money to fund the trips.


News reports say it was UP business admin college's dean Ben Paul Gutierrez who actively lobbied for renaming his unit. I was thinking that in recognition of his efforts to introduce such a daring initiative, UP could create a "Gutierrez Institute of Large Scale Forgetfulness" (GILSF), devoted to erasing all those pesky stories about Martial Law.


But then, I realized: this is UP we're talking about. It has traditions to uphold, you know.                                                     


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