Understanding Bunyespeak

Mon, 05/01/2006 - 00:00
bunyeI always talk straight

The Press Secretary is articulate, well-educated, and highly intelligent. So how come so many people don't know what the hell he's talking about most of the time?

We decided to investigate the matter and assign a competent linguist, political theorist and anthropologist to examine the issue. Then we found out we didn't have the money to pay for these people, so we said the hell with that.

Instead we've fabricated the following glossary as a guide to what we THINK the secretary actually means. We've found that he can be understood better if you stand on your head and mumble the following chant" "I love you Gloria." When you do that everything he says makes perfect sense.

Stop politicking
=
stop investigating the suspicious acts of my bosses and cronies
That's just politicking
=

that's moving awfully close to the truth

Let us move forward
=
and leave our crimes behind
That's a lie
=

that's the truth

That's the truth
=
I'm lying
Yes
=
no
No
=
yes
I don't know
=
I don't know
I don't know (alternative)
=
I DO know, but I'll be damned if I'll tell you
The country is in great shape
=
You like my joke? It always gets a giood laugh
This government is legitimate
=
this government is legitimate
The justice secretary's an idiot
=
the justice secretary's an idiot
Wait, I didn't say that!
=
wait I didn't say that!
I am insane
=
wait, I didn't say that either!

Or maybe I did

=
damn straight you did!
Do you think Ric Saludo's after my job?
=
nah, he's happy where he is

What about that Tiglao?

=

what about him? You got rid of him already

You know how long I haven't gotten a good night's sleep? = Do you know you're talking to yourself?

hotmanila.ph

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