by Alan Robles
Are you a technocrat who served Marcos during Martial Law? Did you write speeches for the dictator, defending his human rights abuses? Perhaps you drew up economic policies which sustained his rule of terror? Or maybe you gave your good name to add credibility to a murderous regime?
Are you ashamed of what you did? No? You're not?
This is your lucky day -- the University of the Philippines is looking for YOU. It wants to make you an offer you won't believe.
How about this: attach your name to any venerable unit of UP Diliman.
Sure! Give your name to our School of Business! Or College of Economics! Or, if you feel like it, you animal you, why not the Institute of Biology? Everything is up for grabs.
It's all part of the UP Initiative for Nurturing, Identifying and Protecting Implicated Sycophants (UP-INIPIS). The program acknowledges the role played by fawning asslicking technocrats who loyally served the Marcos dictatorship.
Think about it: you gave your name to the dictatorship, now let UP offer you its name. Protect your reputation by hiding it under the prestigious UP logo. Luxuriate in the warm glow as your reputation is rescued from infamy. Surely you know how you can benefit from the State University's image as a bastion of activism and scholarship.
Just think of what those stupid Martial Law haters will say once they find your name embossed on one of our fine buildings. Huh! That would show them, eh?
Is there a catch? Absolutely not. To qualify for this special offer, you just have to fulfill two requirements. First, you must have been a technocrat – an economist, lawyer, financial expert or scholar – who was a loyal accomplice and servant of the dictator Marcos. Second, you must contact the Board of Regents and arrange for a modest endowment to UP.
It's not much – just a few dozen million pesos. Imagine what you get at that low low price. You rewrite history, rescue your reputation and make everybody forget what you did.
So, impress your family. Laugh at your enemies. Take advantage of this terrific offer and phone us at once! Our Regents are standing by to take your call.
Be among the first to avail of this initiative and we'll throw in an honorary degree, reserved parking space, an embroidered purple State University sweater and your very own personalized UP thermos.
UP naming mahal? No way! It's now murang mura!