Manufacturer assures Marcos loyalists steady supply of lies

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 09:20
 
 
Marcos loyalists can be assured of a steady supply of lies to promote their idol, said a firm that makes some of the falsehoods.
 
"Loyalists don't ever need to worry about a shortage of shameless lies, baldfaced fabrications and mendacities to support their dearly beloved, malevolent and currently festering leader", declared Tool Furol, chief chair arranger and projector focus adjuster of the consultancy firm Indestructible Deceits and Jeepney Barker Enterprises.
 
"I personally guarantee that my company will keep them well-supplied with the outrageous perversions and dishonest claims they need to shore up their belief in our glorious and gelatinous Ferdinand."
 
He said he was making the announcement in reaction to "rumors" that Marcos loyalists were running out of fake info, falsified data and untruths.
 
"Those stories that we're running out of lies are -- well, lies," he spluttered. "To such claims, I say, stuff and nonsense, in the pretentious tone I use in my posts on Facebook."
 
Furol also denounced reports that loyalist lies about Marcos were "getting old and worn out."
 
"I don't call them old, I call them 'classic' - they have long and useful lives."
 
He invited: "Look at this classic lie - 'Marcos was the greatest president.' It's thick-faced, grossly untrue and totally divorced from reality. THAT'S what I call a quality product. Do you know how many people have bought into it? Thousands! It's a bestseller!"
 
The lie maker said, "now examine this all-time whopper:' the Philippines was a super economy during Martial Law and nobody was tortured and killed.' Real artistry went into constructing such a monstrous lie. I wouldn't call that old and worn out."
 
He singled out yet another "classic" lie:" 'Ninoy staged his own assassination.' How is that for major dishonesty? What sets it apart is it's bizarre with just the right touch of insanity. It's very popular among feeble-minded loyalists."
 
Furol once again played down fears that loyalist lies might be running out.
 
"We assure all our faithful Marcos loyalists, even those that don't know how to read and spell and spend a lot of time walking around in aimless circles: WE HAVE AN AMPLE SUPPLY OF LIES. We don't need to outsource to China or any other place like that."
 
He claimed that "in fact we're hard at work in our top secret labs churning out new loyalist lies."
 
"Did you know that Marcos invented the Internet? That he pioneered in time travel? That he was working on the cure for HIV before he died? That he actually wrote the first 'Harry Potter' ?"
 
Furol stressed that "we have to make sure the legions of loyalist liars are equipped with lots of ammunition in their eternal battle against their deadliest enemy of Marcos lovers.
 
"And we all know what that enemy is: the truth."
 
 
 

Comments

Submitted by patchu (not verified) on
I guarantee that this article is 100 per cent authentic and true, except for the bits that make me sound human. Dat's really pushing it

Submitted by patchu (not verified) on
Yep that's mine. And ugly too like me, you know me, you can find me in Malacanang, I'm one of the fleabitten mangy dogs there licking presidential butthole arf arf aroo Get me help! I need it! Oh wait, never mind, I like being the trolparol that I am

Submitted by patchu (not verified) on
Have you seen my mother? I haven't seen her. Not since she kicked me down the stairs when she first saw my face.

Add new comment