Out of Focus

Humor

Understanding the airport bullet scam

Tue, 11/17/2015 - 17:13
 
 
Noting the keen public interest in bullet planting issue, we have decided to exploit it by putting together this package of more or less dubious questions and answers.
 
1. I've heard that when I check-in at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport there's a chance somebody will set me up by planting a bullet in my bag and then accost me and demand a bribe so I won't be arrested
 
The good news is that it doesn't happen to everyone. There are exemptions.

In search of Binay's running mate

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:45
 
 
Deep in the dark heart of the political jungle, skilled professionals are engaged in an important quest: hunting and bagging that elusive creature, a running mate for Vice President Binay.
 
Let's talk to one of those agents, Gnoll Tahol, CEO and Droolmaster of the Showbeast Government Headhunting Troll Tribe and Carinderia Services Inc
 
Hot Manila: How's the hunting?

Understanding hooligan behavior

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 08:47
 
On November 2014 the son of the decomposing, slowly melting, half-jellied ex-dictator Ferdinand Marcos visited the University of the Philippines in Diliman campus to give a talk. Of course, as a member of a family that plundered the country, stealing at least US$10 billion, and whose patriarch tortured and killed thousands, jailed thousands more, and ruined democratic institutions -- you can be sure he got the reception he deserved.
 
Namely: nothing.
 
Wait, you ask, surely a character like Marcos junior would at least prompt a modest activist turnout, a few hooligans to shout, wave placards and throw stuff? Didn't radicals, years back, actually take over the UP campus for a week and cock their noses at the forces of Marcos senior?
 
Well apparently things are different now and the new activist policy towards the Marcoses is: cricket sounds.
 

Q & A: Metro Manila's traffic

Sun, 09/14/2014 - 21:32
 
 
As part of our continuing commitment to public service, we offer this new series on understanding Metro Manila's traffic problem. We begin with this general Q&A on the topic.
 
Q: How bad is Manila's traffic?
A: Our researchers estimate that if, at 7:30 a.m., they were to board a bus going from Quezon City to Makati...
 
Q: Yes?
A: Sorry, our researchers are unable to complete the sentence, they're still stuck in traffic. Check back with us in two days.
 
Q: Why is Manila's traffic so bad?
A: The explanation involves a complex interplay of factors such as vehicles, commuters, pedestrians, drivers and enforcers.

How to tell if your building is world class

Mon, 09/01/2014 - 18:36
 
 
 
Congratulations! Your mayor has just finished constructing a brand new parking building. You say it seems really really expensive? Well, we don't consider it "expensive," we consider it "world class." Let's go on an inspection tour and answer your questions about this unique new parking facility.
 
What's so unique about this parking building that cost billions to build?
First of all, did you notice how, when we drove in, the gates opened and closed? They're automatic gates.
 
But they were opened by security guards.
True, but they opened the gates automatically. And they saluted too. Now that's world class. Why, in some villages, the security guards won't automatically open the gates.

Getting to know the MRT (Might Run Today)

Fri, 08/29/2014 - 20:48

from Wikimedia Commonsby Alan Robles

For the next part of our series on traffic, we'll now talk about how to beat Manila's notorious jams by using the train system. We'll focus on the MRT, which as everyone knows, stands for "Might Run Today."
 
Just kidding; of COURSE the MRT will run today. In fact, it runs everyday. True, it might sometimes run only halfway to where you want to go, which you'll discover when the train suddenly stops in the middle of a stretch of tracks between stations. But never fear, the train makes up for these moments by also occasionally running PAST your destination, plowing through barriers with enthusiasm.
 

Government mulls assigning teachers to Internet commenters

Mon, 08/11/2014 - 08:34
 
armed prototy[e

by Alan Robles

Government announced yesterday it is considering assigning public school teachers to every Internet commenter in the Philippines.

It said it is alarmed by a trend where, apparently, Filipinos don't bother to read online articles before reacting.
 
As a result, they post misinformed statements, making them, in the words of one official, "look really stupid."
 

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