Out of Focus

Humor

Attack of the sinister holes

Tue, 09/23/2014 - 08:19

by Alan Robles

On a rainy night last week, online editor Jojo Malig was nearly killed when his motorcycle ran into a large, unmarked six-inch deep hole dug right in the middle of a major road in Manila.

He broke a shoulder and suffered cuts and bruises – injuries which might have been much worse if his helmet visor wasn't down and protecting his face. He will be bed-ridden for a couple of weeks and will need physical therapy.

There were no lights or warning signs around the hole, which is about five by six feet in area and is one of several dotting the stretch of road.

The hole in question is still at the accident site, but it's keeping quiet and not making any statements.

Many Filipinos don't have satire gene

Sun, 03/02/2014 - 18:23

By Alan Robles

A "statistically significant" number of Filipinos lack a gene that lets them detect satire, a new study claims.

Scientists at the prestigious Asian Research Institutes for Understanding Humor and Silly Walks (ARIUHSW) yesterday announced that many Filipinos apparently lack the Satire Gene (SG).

According to the institute's spokesperson Dr. Soon Tu Ve Hung, SG deficiency "prevents people from distinguishing the true from the ridiculous."

Binay minion to PNoy: Slow down reforms or our boss won't be able to roll all of them back

Mon, 10/07/2013 - 08:00

By Alan Robles

President Benigno Aquino III should slow down his reforms to give Vice President Jejomar Binay a "reasonable chance" of rolling them back once he becomes president.

The appeal was aired yesterday by a shady troll claiming to work for the Binay party.

Tol Fapol, president, CEO and sole employee of the Binayaran Walking Tumor Enterprises online consultancy, said that "Aquino should be more considerate. How about giving an older guy a break?"

Marcoses will just wait for all Martial Law victims, witnesses to die off

Mon, 09/02/2013 - 03:24

The Marcos family has unveiled a new strategy for dealing with its numerous victims and critics: wait for them to die off.

"We've decided that apart from lying about and denying all their accusations, we will basically outlive all those stupid people", said Marcos flunky Benedicto Maligno, chief of the PR consultancy firm Mordor Enterprises, Pte.

Government bares plan to regulate satire

Fri, 06/28/2013 - 08:53

by Alan Robles

Government yesterday announced it was taking "immediate action" to regulate satire in the Philippines.

Speaking to reporters, Marcos Madalang, Spokesman Class IV at the Department of Some Office or Another, said that "we have come to the conclusion that satire is hazardous."

He denied the government was engaged in censorship, or was stifling free speech.

Expert's solution to Manila's traffic

Mon, 06/24/2013 - 12:46

by Alan Robles

The solution to Metro Manila's horrendous traffic and floods is simple: live in Australia.

This was the key finding in a study presented yesterday by self-proclaimed urban planner Dick Langtrabaho

According to Langtrabaho, "it's conclusive -- the best way to deal with Manila's terrible gridlock is to live in Oz."

He said he had chosen that particular country for a "very" logical reason -- "because I say so."

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