humor

Famous recipes from Martial Law

Mon, 03/07/2016 - 22:20
 
Recently, a Filipino cooking page on Facebook started spouting pro-Marcos gibberish and linked to the "top 10 establishments built under the Marcos regime."
 
You'd think that by "establishments" a cooking page would mean "resto", or "auberge" or even "carinderia", but no, it turns out it means "buildings". And the list isn't even complete - it doesn't mention the millions in sleazy kickbacks and commissions the Marcoses got for each project.
 
Anyway, what the FB page did is just plain WRONG. It's wrong because if you're a Filipino food recipe page, you shouldn't talk about Martial Law's construction projects: you should give examples of famous recipes from the dictatorship. Don't know any of those recipes? Well, lucky for you, those who experienced Martial Law do. Here are a few.

Beware the Marcos Loyalist Virus

Sun, 10/25/2015 - 20:01
 
Ferdinand Marcos was a deceitful dictator whose regime brutally murdered at least 3,200 Filipinos and tortured and jailed tens of thousands more. He destroyed democracy and stole at least US$10 billion. Now, knowledge of these crimes is threatened by an insidious Marcos loyalist virus slowly infecting the population.
 
We talk to Dr. Albert Kasuka, who claims to have studied the spread of this brain wiping disease.

 

Spin doctors overjoyed Bongbong Marcos finally has a really thick face

Thu, 10/01/2015 - 14:00
 
Spin doctors of Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos junior yesterday rejoiced their client has finally grown a "thick, deceit-worthy face."
 
They exulted after seeing Marcos junior declare "what am I to say sorry about?" when his dictator father's crimes were alluded to in a TV interview early this week.
 
"Did you see that? He didn't bat an eyelash!", shouted one political consultant, part of an anxious team of spin doctors, child psychologists, speech coaches, evil shamans, orcs and hobgoblins gathered at a media "war room" in the Imelda Marcos 

In search of Binay's running mate

Mon, 08/10/2015 - 18:45
 
 
Deep in the dark heart of the political jungle, skilled professionals are engaged in an important quest: hunting and bagging that elusive creature, a running mate for Vice President Binay.
 
Let's talk to one of those agents, Gnoll Tahol, CEO and Droolmaster of the Showbeast Government Headhunting Troll Tribe and Carinderia Services Inc
 
Hot Manila: How's the hunting?

Join the Marcos Club now!

Mon, 06/01/2015 - 07:51
 
 
Through Facebook, my number one source of totally accurate info, I discovered a post inviting people to pay PHP 250 to join the “Bongbong Marcos for President Movement.”
 
In return, the member gets an official ID card and (should Marcos win) a chance to earn up to PHP 1 million from “Marcos wealth.”
 
Is the post a joke? Well, one reason why it might be true is that it has the name “Marcos” in it, and everyone knows this is the leading brand when it comes to scams, crime and douchebaggery.

Loyalists: Solve our national problems - resurrect Marcos

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 18:32
 
 
Marcos loyalists have a simple solution to the country's problems: bring the dictator back from the dead.
 
At the brutal tyrant's crypt in Batac, fanatics have gathered to do just that.
 
Amid eerie rhythmic chanting from massed robed worshipers accompanied by the steady pounding of a huge drum, shrieking shamans called on the refrigerated corpse to come back to life. "Hear the pleas of your cringing worthless loyalist minions, oh master," they implored, pleas interspersed with bloodcurdling howls of "Marcos pa rin."
 
The rite was abruptly interrupted when the electricity shut down, and sounds of dripping were mixed with curses.
 
"The cooperative has cut off the power again!", yelled one of the unholy priests."Hurry you fools, pay the bill before master turns into a malignant puddle."

Manufacturer assures Marcos loyalists steady supply of lies

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 09:20
 
 
Marcos loyalists can be assured of a steady supply of lies to promote their idol, said a firm that makes some of the falsehoods.
 
"Loyalists don't ever need to worry about a shortage of shameless lies, baldfaced fabrications and mendacities to support their dearly beloved, malevolent and currently festering leader", declared Tool Furol, chief chair arranger and projector focus adjuster of the consultancy firm Indestructible Deceits and Jeepney Barker Enterprises.
 
"I personally guarantee that my company will keep them well-supplied with the outrageous perversions and dishonest claims they need to shore up their belief in our glorious and gelatinous Ferdinand."
 
He said he was making the announcement in reaction to "rumors" that Marcos loyalists were running out of fake info, falsified data and untruths.
 
"Those stories that we're running out of lies are -- well, lies," he spluttered. "To such claims, I say, stuff and nonsense, in the pretentious tone I use in my posts on Facebook."

Understanding hooligan behavior

Thu, 05/07/2015 - 08:47
 
On November 2014 the son of the decomposing, slowly melting, half-jellied ex-dictator Ferdinand Marcos visited the University of the Philippines in Diliman campus to give a talk. Of course, as a member of a family that plundered the country, stealing at least US$10 billion, and whose patriarch tortured and killed thousands, jailed thousands more, and ruined democratic institutions -- you can be sure he got the reception he deserved.
 
Namely: nothing.
 
Wait, you ask, surely a character like Marcos junior would at least prompt a modest activist turnout, a few hooligans to shout, wave placards and throw stuff? Didn't radicals, years back, actually take over the UP campus for a week and cock their noses at the forces of Marcos senior?
 
Well apparently things are different now and the new activist policy towards the Marcoses is: cricket sounds.
 

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