Out Of Focus
You're holding an election, the President is coming over to check on things and you don't know what to serve for the occasion. Dear oh dear, what do you do? Never fear! From the Comelec kitchens, we bring you these time-tested favorite recipes as prepared by our famous chef, Garci.
All right, so we know it's the President who's "Ma'am." But who is this "Garci" she's talking to? Everybody and his dog have their ideas on the matter. Anyway, we put together our finest investigative team, and found out we didn't have any. So we did intensive and extensive research on the matter and have produced a list of suspects who might answer to the name "Garci."
Every mother has ambitions for her kids. But are you sure you have the right goals? We're not talking here of anything ordinary or run of the mill, like seeing your child win the Nobel Prize, or even becoming a finalist in "Survivor."
No, we're talking about something much more crucial than that, we're talking of a question that holds the key to your children's future, a question you should spend late nights tormenting yourself with.
Year after year on June 12, we Filipinos go out and celebrate Independence Day. Of course, it's true that not all of us go out and celebrate. Some of us stay home and watch TV instead. But the point here - the premise which allows us to pad this article to the correct word length - is, have we ever bothered to ask ourselves what it is exactly we're celebrating?
Imagine you're an extraterrestial being who's just landed in this planet, in this strange place called Manila… hey! Why are you running back to your UFO? You were frightened by what? A small, loud and nasty creature? Oh that? That's only a newspaper publisher! Generally harmless as long as you leave him alone to talk about himself.
So you made a slight miscalculation. You supported a certain person and irritated millions of people. Well, doesn't everyone make mistakes? Must you undergo plastic surgery or walk around with your head in a bag the rest of your life? Does this mean the end of your career? All that money spent in the last election down the drain? Why, you even hocked your relatives didn't you?
Stung by the overwhelming negative publicity, our beloved administration responds to the growing criticism with a bold new initiative...
Pressed Secretary: We've asked our friends in the media to come here today so we can unveil our latest bold new initiative in response to the growing criticism...
Who says you can't celebrate EDSA in a depoliticized way? With a little help from 3,000 policemen government is ready to show how to organize a REAL celebration
Sounds: Glug glug glug glug glug
Announcer: Thank you thank you for the fine speech Mr. President